Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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