Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
