she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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