I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
