Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
