my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
