hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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