as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will be naked everywhere
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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