my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
