Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm at about main and main street
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
