Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
