I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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