Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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