Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
