I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
