I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
