I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
