I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
