I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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