My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize