Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
