So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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