:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
