Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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