i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
