this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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