I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
