i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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