Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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