I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
