he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dear god my vagina.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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