Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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