i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
