So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?