There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.