Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN