All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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