I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
