I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
