Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
