You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
