I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
