I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She bit a glass in half.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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