the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just invented taco cereal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
