dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize