Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
