Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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