Quick, to the slutcave!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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