This is not my ceiling
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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