u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
