Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
