i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All the doctor said was why
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
