READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
