Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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