I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
