May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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