You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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