Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
