i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am midnight drunk by noon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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