sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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