Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
