did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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