im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
