We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
