is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
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We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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