i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
