She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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