I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
