this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
