If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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