shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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