I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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