How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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