Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
