some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
