My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
