Can i not drive my cunt home
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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